Fears

I have so many fears right now. I just keep worrying about my baby. What if it is deaf, of blind, or a hermaphrodite. Yes, I worry about my baby being a hermaphrodite, and not finding out until he/she is like 12 because he/she is going through crazy mood swings because of too much progesterone or estrogen and then he/she will have to make a decision to be a boy or a girl and that is just too much emotional distress for a 12 year old...my mind wanders ALL day and night. Literally EVERY possibility has run through my head. But there is a new fear that has been bugging me, keeping me up at night, making me cringe: the fear of my belly button popping.

I HATE BELLY BUTTONS. They gross me out. I have never seen the bottom of mine and I don't wish to, EVER. And my belly button is so deep, you could stick a pencil in there and order me to do 5 jumping jacks and it would still be sticking out straight.

This picture is not of my belly button (yet):




Speaking of belly's, I keep wondering when this being pregnant thing is going to come to my advantage. I find myself arching my back, and pushing my belly out with a bit more emphasis so that I can receive the few perks we pregnant women are entitled to, like an empty seat on the tram, jumping the bathroom line, or, I don't know... free gelato? Anything? I mean don't we get anything? I haven't. I even got kicked out of the "fast" lane at the pool the other day (they weren't even going that fast)! This nerd stopped me UNDERWATER mid-lap, removed his nerdy goggles, and said "Questa parte è per i Master swimmers" (pronounced Mas-teerr sweem-merrs). So I climbed (with great fake difficulty) the ladder, popped my stomach out, rubbed my belly for emphasis, put one hand behind my lower back as if in support, and waddled my way over to where the 9 year olds were swimming laps (this was all for dramatic effect, I can walk just fine).

I hope he went to bed with guilt for kicking a pregnant lady out of the "Mas-teerr sweem-merrs" line at the pool. Although, I doubt it. Sigh.