30 weeks and so emotional

We are finally 30 weeks pregnant! I feel like I have been waiting for this milestone for forever. On the one hand I am so excited to meet our son, but on the other I just feel like I don't know what in the hell I am doing and I need to vent. How did my life change so much in 4 years? I met Gian, got engaged, got married (twice), bought a house, and got pregnant on the honeymoon. All happy changes, but still major life changes! The fact that Italy has become my home, and that I will forever live far from my family and best friends, has just recently been absorbed into my head. It all feels much more final, now. I mean, I always knew it was final, but the repercussions of it have just hit home. My dad had a heart attack a few weeks ago, and not being able to be there brought on guilt, insecurity and fear.

I think my feelings towards major life changes are further compounded by my utter sense of helplessness. Up until now, I have been swimming 500 metres a few times a week at the pool or in the sea, been capable of doing the laundry, dishes, food shopping, etc. But now, every little chore is a major stress on my body. I am so tired, my back is worn out, my legs hurt if I walk more than 20 minutes, I can't stand up for more than a couple of minutes, I need sturdy chairs with good backs at restaurants (which is not always a given in Italy!). Just doing the laundry, I need Gian's help because I can't bend over and pick up the clothes from the machine. And then I feel like this horrible, nagging wife because from the moment Gian walks in the door from his 10-hour work day, I am asking for help in some way to finish some banal task. He does everything with grace, but I know he is tired, too. He is the bread winner in the family and works so hard. I will be fine and happy and then all of my frustration will come to the surface and I take it out on Gian. Then I go through the guilt process of being mean and maybe a bit hurtful to Gian, a very patient and loving husband. It's a constant cycle.

This stresses me out even further when I fast forward 3-4 months and we have a newborn, we are both sleep deprived, and are completely lost in the delicacy and newness of having a very fragile human life in our responsibility! This is huge. Having a baby is a big deal! And to make matters worse, neither of us have family close by to help (although my mom is coming for 2 months in November). I just keep telling myself that all these fears are normal and bithcyness is caused by hormones (I keep telling Gian this, too) and hope that once I see my baby everything will click and fall into place. It does right? Am I a bad mother already?